Shedding the Shame with Emily Shimwell: Miscarriage, Estrangement, and Healing Through Community

Welcome to Shedding the Shame: the space where women stop whispering about the hard things.

No performing.
No fixing.
No pretending we’re fine.

Just honest conversations about what we’ve carried, what it cost us, and how we rebuilt.

For my first guest episode, I sat down with Emily Shimwell: experience designer, storyteller, lifelong gatherer, and founder of Dine Wilder. Emily builds community for a living. She creates spaces where women step away from their screens and back into real conversation, but behind her warmth and magnetic ability to gather people is a story layered with loss, grief, and hard decisions.

We talked about miscarriage, family estrangement, and what it really means to put yourself first.

Miscarriage: The Grief No One Prepares You For

Emily experienced a miscarriage at 12 weeks, before going on to have her two sons.

Twelve weeks: far enough along to have seen a scan, to believe you’re “safe,” and to have imagined a future.

One of the most powerful things she shared was this: in the moment, perspective doesn’t help.

“Everything happens for a reason.”
“At least you know you can get pregnant.”
“You’re still young.”

None of that touches the depth of grief when you’re in it. And yet, on the other side of loss, perspective sometimes does come. Emily spoke about the trust she feels now. The sense that her sons, Jack and Wilf, are exactly who were meant to be here. That somehow, in the mystery of it all, things aligned the way they were supposed to.

That trust came later. In the beginning, there was devastation.

There was crying on the floor, shock at how much it hurt, and fear that this was “the beginning” of a long, painful fertility journey.

We also talked about something that doesn’t get enough airtime: how grief lingers.

It doesn’t matter if the loss was at six weeks or twelve. It doesn’t matter if you try again. It doesn’t matter how much time passes. You may still grieve the baby, the dreams you had for them, and the future version of your life you had already started imagining.

Grief doesn’t run on a schedule.

You might be fine for months; and then see a crib, a pregnancy announcement, or hit what would have been your due date. Suddenly, you’re right back there. There is nothing wrong with that. One of the most important reminders from this conversation: women do not need to rush to silver linings. You are allowed to be deeply sad. You are allowed to sit in it. You are allowed to stop trying to make everyone else comfortable with your grief.

Sharing the Hard Things Changes Things

Emily shared her miscarriage publicly in 2019; before it was common to see women speak about pregnancy loss online.

Her inbox flooded with messages from women who had never told anyone. Women who felt ashamed and who thought they were alone.

That’s the power of telling the truth.

It doesn’t erase the pain, but it removes the isolation, and that theme of removing isolation runs through everything Emily does.

Family Estrangement: The Silence Around It

We also talked about something that’s often even more taboo than miscarriage: estrangement from a parent.

Emily has not seen her father since she was 15. She realized recently that she has now lived longer without him than she lived with him.

That’s a heavy truth.

What stood out most in our conversation was the nuance. There wasn’t rage or bitterness dominating the story. There was sadness, disappointment,and a grief for what could have been. There was also acceptance.

Estrangement is rarely discussed openly. When it is, it’s often framed as tragic or dramatic. But sometimes, it’s a decision rooted in self-protection. Sometimes it’s the healthiest option available.

We talked about how society often says:

“But it’s your dad.”
“But it’s your mom.”

As if shared DNA is enough to override harm.

Emily said something that stayed with me: we don’t have to have relationships with everyone we share genes with. For me personally, as someone estranged from both parents, this conversation was deeply meaningful. Estrangement is often misunderstood. People assume it’s revenge, stubbornness, or immaturity. In reality, it is often the result of repeated pain and a long internal battle.

No child wants to cut off a parent. If they do, there’s a reason, and sometimes choosing yourself is the bravest thing you’ll ever do.

Forgiveness, Boundaries, and Growth

Emily describes herself as deeply forgiving. She doesn’t hold grudges. She looks for understanding. She believes most people are doing the best they can with the tools they have. That perspective doesn’t minimize the hurt. It acknowledges it and chooses growth anyway.

Hard experiences, she said, made her softer, more compassionate, and more willing to put herself first. That’s another layer of shame we shed in this episode: the shame around being “selfish.” Women are conditioned to put everyone else first. To manage emotions, smooth things over, and keep the peace.

But what if choosing yourself isn’t selfish?

What if it’s necessary?

What if it benefits everyone around you?

The Power of Community

If there was one throughline in this conversation, it was this: community heals.

Not performative, curated, Instagram-perfect hosting. Just people in sweatpants on a Monday night sharing a meal.

Emily’s rebellion against isolation is simple: open the door. Drop the perfection and let people in as you are. Connection doesn’t require a tablescape. It requires honesty, and honesty is what this podcast is built on.

What Shedding the Shame Really Means

At the end of our conversation, I asked Emily what shedding the shame means to her.

Her answer was simple: sit in your truth. Remove yourself from what drains you. Stop living for other people’s approval, stop forcing relationships that don’t align, and stop pretending you’re fine when you’re not.

All of it— miscarriage, estrangement, divorce, grief— it’s life. When we talk about it, it loses its power to isolate us.

If you’ve experienced miscarriage, are navigating estrangement, or if you’ve made a hard decision to protect your peace…

You are not broken. You are not dramatic, and you are not alone.

Listen to the full episode of Shedding the Shame with Emily Shimwell wherever you get your podcasts. And maybe this week, open your door on a Monday night.

Let’s keep shedding the shame.