Dating and Hair Loss: My Journey from Fear to Acceptance
Dating is hard enough. Add hair loss into the mix, and it can feel almost impossible. I know- because I’ve lived it.
Recently, I was honored to be featured in Yahoo Canada, sharing my experience of dating with alopecia. It inspired me to write more openly about my story here, because if I can help even one woman feel less alone in this, it’s worth it.
The Beginning: Teenage Years and Hair Loss
I first started losing my hair when I was just 15, after taking acne medication. It was the worst possible timing. I was already battling cystic acne, carrying extra weight, and feeling insecure about my appearance. Like so many teenage girls, I felt constant pressure to look a certain way, and I didn’t fit the mold.
When my hair started thinning on top of everything else, I felt completely lost. I cut my hair short to make it look thicker, but inside I felt ugly, scared, and like a freak. Even if others didn’t notice, I noticed. And that was enough to shatter my self-esteem.
College: Failed Fixes and Hiding My Hair Loss
In college, I tried Rogaine, but it wasn’t realistic for a busy college lifestyle. Applying foam twice a day just drew more attention to the thinning spots I wanted so badly to hide. Eventually, I stopped and instead relied on highlights to disguise the widening part in my dark hair.
By 22, my hair loss had progressed to the point where I started wearing wigs. My first wig? Let’s just say it was… rough. A short synthetic one with bangs that looked like a lion’s mane. It was thick, heavy, and made me feel even more self-conscious.
Dating with Hair Loss: Rejection and Fear
During that time, I was dating someone and finally built up the courage to tell him about my hair loss. At first, he said it didn’t matter. But days later, he broke up with me, and we never spoke again.
That moment reinforced every fear I had:
That I was unlovable.
That I was destined to be alone.
That my hair loss made me ugly.
For years afterward, I hid my alopecia from everyone. Friends didn’t know. Boyfriends didn’t know. I used Toppik hair fibers religiously, kept my hair short and curly to hide thinning, and carried my insecurities with me everywhere.
I wouldn’t go swimming. I avoided showers at the gym. I woke up early to make sure my scalp was concealed before a boyfriend saw me. Hair loss became my shameful secret, and it dictated how I lived my life.
The Turning Point: Meeting My Husband
Then, at 28, I met the man who would become my husband. From our very first date, I knew he was different. He was kind, genuine, and I felt something I hadn’t felt before: safety.
About a month into dating, I knew I had to tell him. I was falling in love, and the thought of him rejecting me later was unbearable. So one night, I sat him down and braced myself for the worst.
“I have alopecia,” I told him.
He looked at me and said: “That’s it? I thought you were about to tell me you were dying. I couldn’t care less.”
The relief I felt in that moment was indescribable. After more than a decade of shame, fear, and hiding, I was finally accepted exactly as I was.
Life Today
Fast forward: my husband and I have now been together for 15+ years, married for over 13, with two beautiful children. My husband has never once cared about my hair loss. Whether I wear a wig, cut my hair short, or try something new- his only concern is that I feel happy and confident.
My Message to You
If you’re single and living with hair loss, I know how easy it is to believe the lie that you’ll be alone forever. I believed it for years. But here’s the truth:
✨ The right person will love you for who you are- not for your hair.
✨ The wrong person will use hair loss as an excuse to leave. Let them. They aren’t your person.
✨ You are lovable, worthy, and enough- exactly as you are.
Don’t settle for less than unconditional love. Because you deserve nothing less.
Final Thought
Dating with hair loss can feel overwhelming. But my journey has taught me that when you find the right person, your hair won’t matter to them- it will only matter that you’re you.
If you’d like to read more, you can check out my feature in Yahoo Canada and my blog here at Hair Loss Pride, where I share stories, resources, and encouragement for women navigating this journey.
